INCEST: Culture taboo. Real true Incest stories. Some links have Incest stories. They say there are over 10 million people involved in incest. ALL have to keep it a major secret because of government laws. In some families, it is very good and wonderful, with lots of love and deeper love relationship then before. (Not abusive) Others, it is bad and causes conflicts. (Many links) http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/incest.html
lost_girl
http://www.incestboard.com/Forum/Forum1/HTML/001383.html--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was very young maybe five or six I had all of these sexual feelings. I was alone alot. I never really had any parents. I never really knew my father and my mother was always gone. She would leave me with my oldest brother and other relatives.
I was one year older than my nephew at tjat time and I wanted him to touch me. I liked it when he looked at me and he always seemed to be excited. More so when we grew older of course. I never put his hands on me but one time I put playing cards down my pants and told him he would have to reach down there and pick a card. We were hiding in the closet. Most of the time I just wanted him to see me naked. I didn't really think of ever touching him there and I guess he didn't either.
I moved alot and moved away for a long time. I always felt awkward about that experience but we have talked about it as adults and just sort of laughed it off. I felt like he wanted have sex with me as an adult but I didn't feel comfortable with it.
I fantasize alot about having a mother and father that love me in that special way. Inside I am still such a little girl who just wants all the love she can get.
This is the first time I have ever spoke about things like this. Thank you for allowing me to share something so deep.
Is It Abnormal To Sniff Panties, Fantasize About A Relative
http://www.allaboutsex.org/kso_topic_misctopics.html#aunt
I masturbate about three times a day, but recently with a difference. I often go around my aunt's house and when I get horny I go into the bathroom and have a wank. But one day just before I was about to have a wank I saw my aunt's underwear in the washing up basket, so I picked them up and whilst wanking began to sniff them.
I really enjoy it and love the smell, I have began to get an erection every time i see her. Is this ok (to sniff etc) or am I abnormal in any way - or - just sexually active. Also, recently, I have found myself fantasizing and dreaming about having sex with my aunt, it really turns me on. Could you please tell me whether this is ok or not.
Please do not reply to me at home or I'll be dead. I need your opinion as soon as possible
I think wanking is great and it releases a lot of tension. IT'S GREAT
Adam - North America - Male - 12-16
Dear Adam - thanks for your patience in waiting for a reply - some good things are happening for the site right now, so hopefully, we can do better in the future trying to keep up with all the email we've been getting.
In your case, we have several things to talk about, one being what is called a "fetish", and another being incest fantasies, and both things are very common in America and some other cultures. Now, normal or abnormal, that is a tougher question to answer - for a long time, our society has said one thing - that it -IS- abnormal to do things like you mentioned --- but at the same time, a lot of people would do those things secretly. This is actually part of our legacy of sexual repression coming from previous generations and years of guilt and negative attitudes about sexuality, especially sexuality and childhood.
But that is changing - partly because of more open sexuality in America and the rest of the world (which we consider a GOOD thing - a natural "evolution" of sex), partly because of increased research into sex and sexuality and sexual disorders and behaviors, AND partly because of forums like this one that the Internet has offered us for the very first time (where people can easily find others to communicate with, and can communicate anonymously). Much of what we know and believe about sex and sexuality is changing at this time - mostly because of the Internet and because we are learning so much more these days from sexologists and their research and study of sex and sexuality. Part of that research and science is teaching us that many more people behave the way you are behaving than ever thought, and that this behavior may, indeed, be "normal" - which is a label we try very hard to avoid here at All About Sex. We also know from scientists that all animals (including man) produce natural odors (and we're not talking about sweat or b.o.), and that those odors generated when animals/humans become sexually excited are specifically designed by Nature to attract other animals/humans. Odors that are sexual in nature, and designed to attract a mate, are called pheromones (fer - a - mones), and both males and females generate those odors around the genitals quite naturally - often while just walking around normally, and those odors are trapped in people's underwear. So, what you are responding to, and becoming sexually excited about is a natural odor that Nature designed to do exactly that - to sexually excite and attract.
Now, while you are responding to a natural odor, which is perfectly normal, what you do to obtain that odor becomes the concern. When a person fixates on that one thing that, as a child or adolescent, has made them sexually excited, that fixation often becomes a "fetish". In the psychology world, fetishes have been considered as an abnormal sexual attraction, but today, many psychologists, psychiatrists and sexologists are hesitant to use the term "abnormal". It is all very complicated - more so than we can really go into here - but the basic feelings about fetishes does apply in your case. The truth is that we just don't know for sure anymore what is "normal" and what is "abnormal" - and that applies to a lot of things about sexuality. Applying all this to you, the sexual excitement you feel as a result of smelling a female's underwear is very "normal" and it is very common among adults and adolescents - so that should be somewhat of a comfort to you - it is not unusual. But there are some things about this that you need to be aware of, and that you need to think about.
Even though the sexual excitement from the odors is a normal, healthy response, becoming fixated on that one thing becomes the danger. It is that *fixation* that becomes UN-healthy. Many adults now find that the ONLY thing that really sexually excites them is that one thing that they have fixated on - creating a FETISH - and that is not considered "healthy". So, if her underwear and those odors are the ONLY thing that really gets you sexually excited, there *IS* some concern you should be aware of. You should avoid becoming so fixated on the underwear and that odor that it turns into the ONLY thing that excites you. This can cause you, as an adult, a lot of mental anguish and guilt about that fetish, and many people do seek professional counseling to help them deal with their fetish. I don't believe, personally, that a fetish can be reversed - but a counselor can help a person learn to accept and live with their fetish without it ruining their lives and they can learn to control the feelings and urges that come with that fetish. Another complication to having such a fixation is that you will find yourself to be in constant search for a new sexual "high" or experience, and that can lead to illegal and offensive behavior, such as stealing people's underwear and "collecting" underwear. This is where the concern really gets serious, as those people with a really strong fetish often find themselves breaking into people's homes, raiding their laundry, and most serious of all, taking people's underwear directly from them, generally without their consent. Still, many adults *DO* learn how to deal with their fetish in a way that does not violate any laws or invade anyone's privacy. Have you considered the violation of personal privacy your Aunt would feel if she knew what you were doing with her underwear? It is something you should consider.
The other concern you have requires an equally in-depth answer but both of these are important lessons, not just for you, but for many adolescents to try to understand. The first concern you had was about a fetish you are developing, and the second concern is about sexual fantasy and incest. These are two areas of sexuality that we are learning a great deal about in our society, and again, the Internet has brought a perspective to these issues that we have not had before.
I want to take a moment to emphasize something here - none of this is "written in stone" - rather it is based on current studies, older studies, and on a field of science that has received almost *NO* attention or funding before now. What this means is that the science of sex and sexuality is constantly changing as more and more doctors and scientists decide to specialize in the study of sexuality, and what we know today about sexuality, when compared to other scientific fields of study, is relatively small. Now that people are talking more openly about sex, and our society is becoming more comfortable in admitting the problems that our society has, it is likely that we will be forming many new ideas and theories about human sexuality. I also want to emphasize that I am not an expert in this area, and I am not a psychologist or sexologist, and that I am only providing my opinion based on being well-read and well-studied in sexuality. I would encourage everyone to form their OWN opinions about these topics and to seek validation of the things you learn at this website - it is perfectly fine (actually, it's GOOD) to question what you learn here - I believe that we are being honest and frank at AAS and do not fear your deciding for YOURSELF what you believe is right or is wrong.
Incest is defined as "sexual intercourse between two people so closely related that they cannot legally marry" - which is ambiguous at best, and not a lot of help in talking about this subject at AAS. For instance, we now consider, for practical purposes, that incest does not always involve sexual intercourse. Incest, if defined as "extended sexual contact between close relatives" can include oral sex, mutual masturbation and simulated intercourse that takes place on an ongoing basis - usually with some frequency. Of course, you are probably wondering if incest, defined to include all sexual contact is right or wrong for people to do, or if it is "normal" or "abnormal". The truth is that what has long felt to be the ultimate tabu, or forbidden, may turn out to be extremely common behavior, begging the question "if it is so common, and opinions about it are varied (depending on who you ask) , and there is no single definition of just what constitutes incest, how can we say it is 'abnormal' ? " THAT is a question that we at AAS feel needs to be investigated and studied in an honest, open, careful and caring way - but we also realize that this is not likely to happen immediately - but it is a question we believe can one day be answered.
One reason it won't happen immediately is that incest really *IS* a serious tabu in our society, and in most societies in the world. Without question, people don't feel comfortable talking about incest openly and honestly when in public, and the news media has learned that sexual involvement between family members - especially if one is a minor - definitely gets people's attention and attracts viewers. If you ask pretty much ANYONE in public or on-camera about incest, you will get a reaction that says - without their uttering a word - that it is NOT something they want to talk about. Those that *ARE* willing to talk about it in public are virtually always those who loudly and strongly condemn all forms of incest, and they will immediately associate incest with the picture painted by the news media, self-help books, fiction and even movies - that incest is a horrible, terrible thing where one family member - nearly always older - forces the younger person to do sexual things against their will. They say that the force can come in the form of physical threats or beatings, blackmail or coercion - making someone do something out of fear, whether or not actual physically harming them. Just being older, and having some degree of control over the younger person is considered coercion and abusive. In short, they automatically equate incest with ABUSE - especially child abuse - and obviously, EVERYONE opposes child abuse, right?
However, many years ago noted author Nancy Friday issued the first challenge to this public outrage we all supposedly feel about incest. In her series of books about women and their secret fantasies, she included a section of sexual fantasies by women that included incest - WANTED or DESIRED INCEST. A LOT of people were outraged at her books, and they have even been banned by some governments, including the Canadian Government (you can read more about her and these books under our "Sexuality Pioneers" section). Still, for the first time, someone was publicly suggesting that perhaps not ALL incest was undesired or abusive, and now, some 25 years later, the Internet is validating what she has said.
It should be said that incest *IS*, without question, a very serious subject, and the fact that we are learning just how many people actually DO have desired incest fantasies does not negate the established fact that there have been millions of people that HAVE, indeed, been victimized by UNWANTED sexual behavior from within the family. Unwanted incest is something that is very bad and that hurts people deeply - sometimes completely devastating their entire lives or causing suicide. Victims of unwanted incest usually have sexual problems and emotional problems that dog them their entire adolescent and adult life, often requiring professional counseling to deal with deep wounds and scars that the incestuous abuse has left. One other note about the negative side of incest that is worthy of mention is that many times, unwanted incest is related to alcohol abuse by the purportrator (such as when an alcoholic father makes their child do sexual things, usually while the father is heavily intoxicated). Even though we are also going to talk about incest in terms of fantasy - desired incest - we do not mean to imply that anyone who has been hurt by incest is any less a victim, or that there was nothing wrong with what happened to them. We feel very bad for those people who have been assaulted, molested and hurt by unwanted sexual contact, and we recognize that incest can destroy people's lives.
One cardinal rule when it comes to sex is that NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE, should EVER be forced, coerced, talked into or tricked into, or otherwise compelled in any way to engage in sexual "play" or sexual relations that they do not want. PERIOD. And if someone touches you in a way you don't like or want, making you very uncomfortable, you should tell them to STOP. You can say emphatically, "NO! - I Don't Want To!" and try to leave their presence. If they don't stop, or they try it again sometime, it is time to get help from some adult to get it stopped.
But we would not be doing this topic, and your question, justice if we only talked about the negative side of it. No doubt there will be people who will criticize us for discussing with teens the fact that SOME incest *IS* actually wanted by both people involved, and the fact that SOME people are able to have an incestuous relationship for years without having the trauma and guilt that others would have you believe must always accompany incest. And what is even more common, that many people have incest fantasies about a close relative and that this is really not all that unusual - or so we are learning.
In your case, you are experiencing a sexual fantasy that could be tied to your sexual excitement from her underwear rather than from her as a person you are attracted to. However, it could also be that you are sexually attracted to your Aunt, and would have been whether you had begun sniffing her panties or not - it is hard to say with only a little information. Fantasizing about sexual contact with a close relative - even with a mother or father, daughter or son, brother or sister, is turning out to be a somewhat common sexual fantasy, and to be perfectly honest, we have been very, very surprised at the number of teens telling us here about their actual sexual contact (CONSENSUAL sexual contact, that is) with one or both parents, and somewhat surprised at the amount of consensual sexual contact between brothers and sisters. One explanation we have considered is that these accounts coming in to us are not real at all, but are, in fact, just fantasies people are describing and presenting as real. That's not to say that we don't believe any of those stories - many of them are quite genuine and some are very happy and comfortable with what they are experiencing with a relative.
The number of instances of wanted, welcomed sexual contact between close family members that we have been receiving has also given us cause to question more closely just what *IS* and what *IS NOT* incest. To be fair, most of what we are being told are instances where an accidental discovery of an adolescent masturbating by their parent or sibling has resulted in sexual excitement between them and have ended with them masturbating together on an ongoing basis (and saying that they are very happy and pleased to be doing so). So the question then becomes, if two siblings masturbate in one another's presence, but don't touch each other, is that incest? If they masturbate together, and they do touch and enjoy mutual masturbation, is THAT incest? And what if that progresses into oral sex, but never intercourse, is THAT finally incest? Or is it only incest if it involves sexual intercourse? Unfortunately, because our society just is not prepared to handle these ideas, they are likely to go unanswered for a bit longer. But one thing is very clear to us - from the stories here coming from teens (giving them the benefit of the doubt as being real, and not just fantasy), and from the incredible popularity of consensual incest as a topic for Internet web sites, dozens of newsgroups, and thousands of erotic short stories and mini-novels, it is obvious that incest fantasies are probably more common than people have realized or been willing to admit publicly.
Bringing this all back to you, it is fair to say that everything you are experiencing is not unique or uncommon, so please don't think you are the only one, or that something is terribly wrong with you. At the same time, however, it is also fair to say that what you are doing has the potential to do you some harm IF YOU FIXATE UPON IT. You might try to make sure that you masturbate to a variety of things, not JUST that odor and not JUST those panties. You also need to make sure that you don't start stealing women's underwear in order to achieve sexual satisfaction... if those things occur, you should probably talk to a counselor and ask for some therapy - not because you are sick, not to try and "cure" you of your fetish, but so that they can teach you how to live with your fetish and how to manage it in such a way that you don't steal panties or let it lead to other undesirable sexual behavior. Behavior, in other words, that will keep you from getting into some very serious trouble.
About your Aunt - sexual fantasy is wonderful and we definitely encourage kids to learn about sexual fantasy and the roll it plays in a person's sexuality - it is normal, natural and enhances sexual pleasure, often a great deal. But kids also have to learn to separate sexual fantasy from sexual real-life. Sexual fantasy allows a person to explore sexual ideas and scenarios that they would not really actually carry out or really do, and that is good... as long as you remember that it is JUST fantasy - just interesting and sexy thoughts running around inside your head. These are fine - but what is NOT fine is trying to make some of the more controversial fantasies actually happen (and you probably know in your mind what is controversial - or acceptable to our particular society, and what is NOT acceptable). Our society has made it very, very clear that some sexual things are not acceptable (even if they don't have a logical reason why, or cannot really explain it), and sex between close family members is right at the top of the list.
As with your sexual attraction to her panties, you should try to ensure that you fantasize about a wide variety of sexual things and scenarios, and don't fantasize ONLY about your Aunt. As long as you can be sexually excited by OTHER ideas also, and you explore lots of different sexual fantasy, AND, as long as you keep your fantasy about a sexual encounter with your Aunt a FANTASY only, you should be just fine.
One final note for all of our readers and participants at All About Sex that is related to the topic discussed above. As we have noted above, we are hearing from teens who have, for one reason or another, engaged in CONSENSUAL sexual contact with a sibling, cousin or parent, the most frequently stated being masturbation in each other's presence and sometimes helping each other achieve orgasm. So far, one or two have said they were a bit uncomfortable and didn't know how to stop the behavior, and we sympathize with them, but the majority have said that it was very exciting and welcomed sexual contact. There have been several who have even said that the intimate contact has brought them closer together and that they are very happy about that relationship.
All of this flies in the face of what our society, our religious leaders, our politicians, the child sexual abuse industry, and therapists and counselors have taught us for decades. From them we have been taught that sexual contact between any close family members is ALWAYS wrong - and that there can be no justification for it to occur. They have believed and stated that it is always harmful (to varying degrees) to those involved and usually refer to the younger family member as a "victim" of the older one, and they have rarely acknowledged that there could even be any other opinion on this than their own. For that reason, there has been virtually no discussion of the obviously different aspects of incest, and these two aspects have basically each existed, often with people publicly taking one view - the negative one, but then secretly taking the other view in their own mind and fastasy life. That is what happens when something is so forbidden or tabu that people will not tolerate or explore any explanation or point of view other than what is popular with the society at that time - problems get covered up, people become afraid to talk about the subject at all, or at least talk HONESTLY about it. Right now, if we were to go on some public show or news program and have this same discussion, it is likely that the audience or viewers would be so offended and upset by any suggestion that all incest may not be as bad as we treat it, that they would literally attack us just for suggesting that we might want to explore some different ideas or points of view on incest. This, unfortunately, is how sexual problems remain, and perhaps even get worse, in a society. We believe that if our society really wants to become sexually healthy that ALL forms of sexuality should be discussed, studied and considered, with us re-evaluating how we, as a whole, feel about that controversial topic. Things in our society such as alcoholism, unwanted incest, child molestation, rape and host of other sexual problems we seem to have a great deal of today, can only be "fixed" or overcome, **IF** they can be openly discussed without fear. But as long as we cannot talk about these things in public, and do so honestly, we will never find solutions to these problems.
Is it "ok" for a brother and sister who are close and accustomed to intimacy, and who BOTH want the contact, to masturbate together? Or masturbate each other?
Is it "ok" for a family who has always been very open with each other about sexuality and nudity at home to masturbate together, providing everyone wants to, as an intimate family activity?
Is it "ok" for there to be sexual contact between family members if everyone involved truly wants to be, is happy with the situation, and does not feel guilty or ashamed? What if they feel that it has brought them closer together to have shared each of their sexual natures with the others, and no one has to participate who does not want to? Does that change the picture a little bit, or do the circumstances and each individual situation mean nothing and it is ALWAYS WRONG?
Our position at AAS is that we just don't know. A lot of people would probably disagree with that - perhaps you would disagree, too. Because it can have serious negative consequences in our society with the current anti-sexuality attitude and control over us that religion has, we can't, in good conscience, encourage people to actually try these things - there is just too much risk involved - but it IS something to think about and consider as we enter a new time in America. So.... what do **YOU** think? Before you answer that question, you should read the "I Got Caught" stories and read some of the "Kid's Speak Out" comments coming from teens in those situations. THEN consider it and make a personal judgment about it - you just might be surprised at what you learned.
