How Can I Get Her More Interested
In Sex?
http://www.adulthoodwonderful.com/better%20sex/get_her_interested_in_sex.htm
Sex Research http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/index6.html
This is the most common question I get from men. Generally I
ask if there was passion in the beginning of their relationship. If the answer
is yes, then my next question is, "When did the passion begin to slip
away?" Almost always, it's after the first child arrived. The saddest part
about this is, that's when the relationship should be really solid, because
children benefit most from a loving home with both parents. For those without
children, they generally tell me it crept up on them, that they just got out of
the habit. Life got busy and the romance got lost in the shuffle.
When I talk to both men and women about how they met, what
it was like then, how the sex and romance was, they get a sparkle in their eyes
as they remember back with obvious fondness. Frequently, there's a wistfulness
too. That always makes me a bit sad, because I know the passion doesn't have to
go away.
All too often I hear women speak of men's sex drive in a
derogatory way. Might it make a difference if women realized the primary way
most men are able to be intimate and express love is through sex? Most men
haven't thought about it but when I ask them, they generally agree. That's why
so many men want to have sex after an argument--sex is how they connect at the
deepest level.
Women complain they want more intimacy, they want the man in
their life to express his love more. When I tell them in my workshops how sex
is intimacy for men, I can see the lights go on. They're then able to
appreciate men's sex drive more. They see how it's the key to getting the
intimacy they want from the man in their life. They then become more interested
in how they can open to their own sexual energy.
Sex is one of the few things that make a romantic
relationship different than other relationships. We can eat meals, go to
movies, live together, even go on vacations with any of our friends or
acquaintances. Sex is the one thing that takes a relationship to that deeper
level of loving, closeness, and intimacy. Without the sex, you're really just close
friends.
Sex is also a way for a couple to connect spiritually. It
has the capacity to take us away from the daily routine and transport us to an
"otherworldly place." And how lovely to go there with the one we
love. For those couples who are just beginning and everything is working well,
but the sex could be better, here are a few more things that might motivate a
woman.
I've been saying for some time that encouraging our sexual
energy to flow freely keeps us younger, healthier and more vibrant, even keep
us living longer. Well, recently I read a study that verifies this. How's that
for motivation?
In the Western culture, girls and young women are taught to
stifle their
sexuality. They're loose if they like sex too much, a lady
isn't sexual, it's dirty, they should hold out until the male is willing to
commit, and on and on. They're not taught to honor their sexuality as part of
their womanness. But when they're in a committed relationship, they're supposed
to be able to become amazing sex goddesses. They're never taught how to be a
good lover. They rely on their partner to teach them but the men are never
taught either.
All too often, when they finally do have sex, it isn't that
great. The excitement is in the newness of the love. When they "get their
man" and the excitement of new love wears off, the sex is no longer as
interesting. Unfortunately, many women use sex to get a man to commit when they
really aren't that interested. That's unfair, at the very least.
One way to get the woman more interested is to work together
as a couple to improve the sex, developing, as a team, more passion and romance
in the relationship. Women generally love to "work on the
relationship."
Read books together and try new things, rent or buy
"how-to" videos, go to workshops together and make it a primary
focus. More than anything else, frequent, enthusiastic sex will bring back the
thrill of passion and love.
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This article was written by Kara Oh and was
original published at: http://www.alluringyou.com, Kare Oh
is author of "Men Made Easy"
This page was last updated on: June 26, 2003
