Liberated Christian view of Sexuality and the Bible. God and sex. Christianity and sex. History of sexuality and Christianity. The proper context of sex in the Bible.
http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/index6.htmlBible Sexuality and Christianity
http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/index7.html http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/sum.htmlChristian women on Masturbation debate. Personal feelings about MASTURBATION.
Christian women on Masturbation debate. Some personal ideals about what Christian women think about Masturbation.
1. Hello everyone! I have never posted a message to a board like this before and I truly believe that this is a topic which needs to be openly discussed. It's really too bad that a lot of people are reluctant to discuss it. So I thank all of you that are willing to discuss this both openly and honestly.
I am a 22 year old female that has been masturbating for quite a while now. I started when I was 12 years
. I have been a born again Christian since the summer of 1992. After I became a Christian I started to feel deeply ashamed. The shame was so intense that I never told anyone about my behavior. But I continued to do it. I was afraid to tell my female Christians. Not because I didn't think I could trust them, but because I was afraid of how they would react. So I kept silent.A couple of days ago, I was talking with a close friend of mine
. She's married and a very strong Christian. She is also not afraid to confront me when I need it. So I wanted to hear her opinion on the topic of masturbation. I asked her point blank if she thought masturbation is a sin. Much to my shock and amazement she told me that she didn't think it was. I was speechless. So I quested her about it.She asked me a series of question. Like did I fantasize while I was doing it, Did I do it in inappropriate places and have I ever done it while looking at porn.
S... has given me Godly and wise advice on many other subjects. I can talk to her about anything. I don't just take her at her word and think deeply about the things she tells me.
I truly believe that in my situation I am not sinning when I masturbate. Here are some reasons why I say that.
A. I don't fantasize in anyway while I do it. I don't look at pornography, read sexually explicit books or magazines and when I do it, my mind is blank. I don't
think of anyone or anything.
B. I use it mainly to relax at time and to release tension. I do at night just before bed. I've found that this helps me to relax and to sleep better. I also use to
release sexual tension. Isn't that better than going out and actually having sex with someone? Masturbation is totally safe sex.
C. I am not married. I am a single woman and will not be getting married anytime in the near future. So I am not being selfish to anyone else and I don't have a
husband that I am depriving sexually. It's just me. I just don't see how this can be harmful.
The friend I mentioned earlier is married and she admits that she also masturbates. She has not denied her husband sexually in any way.
2. After reading the many posts and responses on this
page I'm amazed at some of the narrow mindedness of some people.First off, Is it better that a single person mb to relieve sexual tension or to go out and do the actual sin of having sex outside of the boundries of marriage??
I was recently a youth/college worker within my church and I've seen youth struggle with their sexuality, as I have too as a single person.
God gave us a sex drive for a reason. He meant for us to enjoy sex to the fullest extent with the person we marry. But for some of us, we choose to pursue other areas of our life before we are ready to settle down and get married. And for others, we're just to young to get married...besides..why get married just so you can have sex, isn't that an even greater sin in itself?
As far as I'm concerned, it is much better to mb then to go out and have sex. There is no scripture or even a hint in any passage in the Bible...where is the sin?
As long as it's not an addiction, is only used to prevent you from actually sinning, and doesn't involve pornography. And yes this is possible to do. When a man has a wet dream (or a woman, which has been proven) is this a sin? It is essentially the same thing, except one is conscious thought and one is subconscious. But there is a lot more of our conscious thought in our sub than most people know.
People in the church spend far too much time trying to remove our God-given sexuality and making us feel guilty for things that aren't wrong
. You can argue about "our body the temple" and "defiling the marriage bed" but that does not prove that it is wrong.Masturbation is a way to stop us from actually defiling the marriage bed and I would much rather mb then to sin against God and my future husband by having sex outside of the marriage vows.
Christian Women Debate on forums.crosswalk.com
3. J... I am a 31 year old woman and I have masturbated since I was about 6 years old. There was a time in junior high when I was masturbating 3-4 times a day.
Now, most would wonder if I had been sexually abused and I can assure you that I was not.
I came from a very strong Christian home
. I told my generally loving parents about this when I was 13 years old and my father told me that I was a nymphomaniac and basically made me feel disgusting. So, after when I was 16 I began experimenting sexually because I figured that my father was right and that I would have no way of controlling myself.Well, after a few years of unhappiness, I read a book by James Dobson which had some very understanding comments about masturbation. It totally changed me and helped me to realize that masturbation wasn't the sin, but the obsession with it was.
So, I got in control of my sexuality both with others and with myself. I rarely masturbate now (maybe once or twice a month). My husband is aware of this and very understanding. The fact is that I desire relations more than he does, so it works out well for us. Deciding for yourself that masturbation is wrong is fine, but I would caution people in how they approach their children about it, because for many of us, it is or was hard to control.
Also, in response to the gentleman's post, I wouldn't want to have any form of sexual relations with Jesus in the room, so I don't feel that is relevant to deciding that masturbation is a sin.
There are very few gray areas in the Bible, but I do think this would be a gray area and that giving someone incredible guilt about this is a mistake.
4. S... Wow J...!
All I hear from Christians is that masturbation is wrong and I never really understood why.
After all, we gratify our flesh every day (every hour). Like scratching an itch, getting a therapeutic massage, working out to feel those endorphins, eating a hot fudge sundae because you're dying for one, riding a roller coaster, etc. That's instant gratification too, isn't it?
I never really thought about it as sexual sin. I always thought that sex with another person outside of marriage was sin. Masturbation to me was a way of keeping pure until marriage.
I'm married but I've done it occasionally when my love life with my husband is a little slow (after 9 years of marriage that happens sometimes). It satisfies me for the moment and allows me to get on with my life.
I don't understand why God would be angry with that. It doesn't take my eyes off God anymore than being with my husband does. Or watching TV or talking on the phone, etc
.I do agree that obsessing about it or engaging in pornography or voyeurism is sin and I know I'd never participate in that. Am I wrong??
5. D...
Stop beating yourself up, Je.... If masturbation was a major issue, it seems to me that the Bible would specifically address it.
The Bible does not do so, except for the passing reference to "spilling his seed on the ground." I am at work posting on my break, so I can't look up this passage about spilling seed and give the reference, but if you read the context, the issue was not masturbation but cultural expectations regarding marriage and having children. And he was Not masturbating, he just withdrew before ejaculating.
That said, I am not saying that masturbation is not sometimes a big problem. I have a counseling background. I have known of situations where a husband or wife was defrauding their mate, preferring masturbation instead. Clearly not a good thing
! The problem is not the masturbation, per se, but the underlying issues.......To some degree, attitudes about masturbation are cultural.
Sexually promiscuous as our society is, masturbation is still largely seen as a taboo, all "Cosmopolitan" magazine efforts notwithstanding.I am recalling a discussion which I heard of between ministers from Africa and America where this issue came up.
The African ministers (good solid, God-loving conservative evangelicals, all) were very surprised that the American pastors struggled with this issue. One (a very devout young man who was studying in America and wife was still in Africa) said matter-of-factly, and with a great deal of puzzlement,
"Why should I be distracted by sexual thoughts all day? When the sack is full, one empties it!"Some important high lights, conclusions about Masturbation.
http://members.xoom.com/inkabout/HighLights.htm6. JA -
Okay Je....-
I'm not gonna say that I agree that masturbation is wrong, especially for someone who is single and naturally has urges, but what R. Pricesaid reminded me of something that I'd kinda forgotten about.
As an adolescent I did frequently. When I began having sexual relations with men I discovered that I do not achieve orgasm very easily at all through straight sex. In fact even now married and quite sexually experienced I still don't believe that I ever have......
...I used to joke with my husband that why should I bother with him when it took him an hour to do to me what I could do to myself in 2 minutes flat.
Again I'm not saying right or wrong, just agreeing with someone here, it takes away from your spouse. If I'm burning for it all day long, then isn't that a nice surprise for my husband when he gets home? If I take care of it myself what's left for him?
But on the flip side of that, my husband has admitted to me that he sometimes does it 3 or so times a day. Quite honestly, I'm not sure I'd want to be the one fulfilling those frequent needs.
It doesn't so much bother me that he does as long as he saves some for me, and I do wish he'd leave the porno out of it.....
7. N...
I'd like to respond to the woman, I think it was J..., who said that she wouldn't want to have any sexual activity with Jesus in the room.
I've been reading the book
"Intimate Issues". It talks about in the Song of Solomon, when Solomon and his wife are having sex, and suddenly there are 3 people in the room. The third person is God, and He smiles upon what they are doing and blesses it.Sex between a husband and wife is a gift from God and blessed by Him; it is not something we should be ashamed of doing in front of Him.
8. JA..
yes A... you're right about what I said too. Choosing the lesser of two evils is not good. But again the question of whether or not it is an evil?
The spirit of what you're doing is wrong and against what the bible teaches if you are depriving your spouse, etc. But as someone here pointed out what if you're doing your spouse a favor
?What if your spouse physically can't due to permanent injury or some such? Does this mean that the still able should never again attain "release"? If that is where God puts him, huh?
What about reading too much into the bible or over-interpreting. If God had wanted to forbid this act completely wouldn't He have said so plainly?
Instead He teaches us the correct spirit for us to take. It is wrong for me to do so because it takes away from my spouse. It is selfishness. But for the person who does it because their spouse no longer can, who is being hurt by his/her doing so?
It keeps the marriage together, keeps from involving others in our marriages (sexually) and somewhat lessens the pain/guilt that the unable spouse must feel
. Or at least I would think it would.It would be the selfish thing to get divorced and/or take a lover. Or to go completely without and get yourself all stressed out creating anger and resentment that will undoubtedly affect the unable spouse
.I just would like to see where in the bible it says that the act itself is against God. I'm not saying that it doesn't say so, I'm always missing stuff or not getting it in the Bible
, but I haven't seen anything yet to convince me that masturbation is a sin in itself.9. C...
....
We are not bound as Christians by a long list of do's and don'ts. We are free in Christ Jesus from the old Testament law. Paul says "All things are permissible, but not all things are helpful." In this case here is something that may be helpful because it keeps this dear Christian sister pure and able to focus on the more important matters in life.The Bible goes on to say that while all things for us are permissible
, if someone thinks what they are doing may be sinful, then it does become sinful to them, because now there actions are not based on faith, and anything that is not based on faith is sin.My advice to this sister would be to enjoy her freedom in Christ
.My own husband has only been able to help me climax once in the 4 years since we've been married. It doesn't bother him at all if after we are done making love I "finish things" by myself. He is completely understanding, and I myself see nothing at all wrong with it. I hope this note was of some help to you. Sincerely, C...
10. R...
...
My husband is always asking me what would pleasure me. If he doesn't happen to "find the right spot" or whatever, it is up to me to find out what I like and then communicate it to him.Also, someone else mentioned that they don't achieve orgasm the traditional way.
Most women don't. Other stimulation is 99.9% needed for a woman. This is the way God designed us, why, I don't know! But it seems that God designed it that some other sort of stimulation for a woman to be truly pleasured. This is why for so long (I believe) that women just "put up with it" but took no pleasure in it.I did not start masturbating until after I met my husband to be (we met and did sleep together in college, long before both of us were saved). I did it in the spirit of self-awareness and learning.
Even now, I rarely fantasize while engaging in any sort of sexual activity (with or without my husband). I tend to focus solely on the physical sensations
(God created those, why focus on anything else!) and on pleasuring my husband (if he is involved). Anyhow, some other thoughts to add to the pot.11. K...
I just found this post, and want
to thank you for addressing an issue I struggle with continually. I know I shouldn't and promise to stop, but I can't.As a single woman,
I didn't know if it were a sin or not. But I remember I heard somewhere to never do anything you wouldn't want the whole world to know about-including Jesus.But it's so hard. I have tried praying, listening to music, going somewhere....etc., but it never works!
I haven't had the time to read more than 4-5 replies to this post, so could someone please email me if you would like to discuss it more personally, especially if there has been Biblical passages to support why it is wrong?
This page was last updated on: November 21, 2001
