Part of: http://www.proaxis.com/~solo/082897.htm

A lifetime of combat with church's masturbation teaching

As the eldest in a family of 3 boys, I was privileged to have a bedroom to myself at an early age. It was about my fourth grade year--age 9--I remember, that I began to notice strange but "nice" feelings in my penis when I touched it, and it began also to get hard. Of course, as a parochial school student in the '40s, I knew that it would be a deadly sin to touch myself, but I didn't know why.

One night the pleasure was very strong, and I found I could intensify it by pressing my legs together with my balls between them so that my erection would strain up against itself. I knew this was wrong, but couldn't help myself--I HAD to keep doing it and relaxing, doing it and relaxing. All the time I wanted to be saved for Christ, so I began to pray to the Virgin Mary to protect me and keep me pure and clean. But I had to keep straining against my penis because the feeling was so good. After a while, the inevitable happened, my penis seemed to burst open and I felt like I was swimming in feelings and sensations that started out in my penis and scrotum and washed through my body.

Of course, I felt dirty, filthy and lost. The fact that the Virgin Mary didn't help me should have told me she doesn't think jerking off is any big deal, but I was only 9 and was terrorized by my nuns and priests and parents. So, for many years I continued to jerk off, became a hypocrite in my spiritual life, a lonely outcast in my social life, and pretty much a sick puppy. Now, at 62, I've decided to come out of the masturbation closet, since I've learned that my wife probably would rather I jerk off than bother her.

If this is at all interesting, please email me (h374@aol.com), maybe we can talk more, and if circumstances are right, get together in either the Mrecer county NJ area, or in the Hancock (excuse me, that's no pun) NY area. Thanks